There Will Be Walrus: First Volume V Read online



  There Will Be Walrus: First Volume V

  Timothy the Talking Cat (Editor) and Camestros Felapton

  Published by Cattimothy House

  Copyright Camestros Felapton 2016

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  Table of Contents

  There Will Be Walrus: First Volume V

  First Foreword: By Camestros Felapton

  Second Foreword: by Timothy the Talking Cat

  Third Foreword by Anonymous Famous Science Fiction Writer

  Fourth Foreword by AlphaPopulusBlog - The Voice of Manly Dialectic

  Fifth Foreword by Camestros Felapton

  Clean Up on Gamma-6-Gamma

  Behold the Valiants

  The Second Fifth Generation of Warfare

  If You Were Yet Another Pastiche of ‘If You Were A Dinosaur, My Love’, My Love

  Great Battles in History: Thermopylae

  Squirrel Attack Survival Guide

  The Mark III Desquirrelator 17

  The Dead Tell No Secrets of the Dead

  Riding the Red Walrus: The Core Axioms of Warfare

  Mutant in Space!

  Self Publishing Advice for the Inspired Indie: PRICING!

  Great Battles in History: Timothy versus some squirrels

  The Parliament of Cheese and Curds

  The Expense: Walrus Games

  Iron Chamber of Walrus

  What You Have Missed: Previous Volumes of There Will Be Walrus

  There Will Be Walrus V FAQ

  First Foreword: By Camestros Felapton

  Timothy invited me to write the first of several forewords to this collection of military science fiction and political philosophy. The title started as a typo in a comment on a scary blog. I had drunk one too many beers and my tendency to poor spelling is high at the best of times.

  Well the said beer also made me think the title was kind of funny and in a fit of madness I suggested it to Timothy as a suitable title for a collection of Military Science Fiction. Timothy jumped on the idea with great gusto and now here we are.

  All I can really do at this juncture is apologise - particularly if you are lover of either military science fiction of political philosophy.

  Second Foreword: by Timothy the Talking Cat

  Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!

  I am so excited that this collection has come together. I had a vision of the world’s finest writers coming together and making something wonderful. Unfortunately I didn’t know any and so I got my pals and the robot cleaner to write some things.

  I’m still pretty pleased with and I bet if I had got all those fancy writers together it wouldn’t be half as good as this.

  You will find whole knew original stories that must be great because we borrowed lots of ideas from other stories we had read. Also there are some classic favourites from my archives, as well as some brand new essays on politics and warfare. All for a low, low, price!

  I also got a top-notch actual sci-fi writer to write an extra foreword for this collection. How great is that?

  I hope you enjoy this volume and all the future volumes of There Will Be Walrus!

  Third Foreword by Anonymous Famous Science Fiction Writer

  I barely know Timothy but somehow he got my phone number. When he explained who he was I assumed it was some sort of elaborate prank. Over several phone calls he convinced me he was sincere and naturally I said “no”. I have a professional reputation to consider and I see no way that this project will do anything but damage my credibility.

  Finally Timothy offered me a huge amount of money - and I mean HUGE. I agreed to his demands on one condition: that I remain anonymous throughout this process. Timothy agreed and here we are.

  That’s my two paragraphs written. You know where to send the check Timothy. I expect by tomorrow otherwise you’ll be hearing from my lawyers.

  Anonymous Famous Science Fiction Writer